So This Happened…

I realized last week that i have a lot of new friends, acquaintances, and people I’ve never met reading who don’t really know my story. I’m not even sure I’ve ever shared the intimate details. This might be a long one so buckle up.

When people ask what happened to me, which happens regularly, my reply is typically the short answer, “I was paralyzed in a car accident”. I mean, really that’s basically it. My elevator pitch, if you will.

If you want the whole story you can keep reading. It may trigger some emotion but honestly, I’m not sure.

It was 1991 and seven of us were headed to a girls night out on the Nautical mile, a mile long strip of bars and restaurants along the water. Making it a super popular summer destination. And we were psyched.

We were only 15 so none of us had a license but a cooler, older, sister gave us a ride. After picking up the last of the 8 that would pack into that tiny two door coupe we proceeded to make a left turn. Thats when our worlds were turned upside down.

The driver of the oncoming car panicked and slammed on the gas instead of the brakes forcing him to slam into the side of our little car at full speed.

I didn’t see it coming. I was laying across my friends in the back seat. I just heard someone scream. The next thing I remember was laying on the street with a woman who happened to be a nurse sitting with me. I was trying to sit up and I couldn’t. I kept touching my legs with my hands but I couldn’t feel them. I didn’t even know if they were still attached to my body. The kind stranger kept trying to calm me down. I’m not sure if I passed out or what transpired and I don’t recall the ambulance ride but my next memory was in the ER.

I was surrounded by my parents, my boyfriend, and more strangers. I remember the nurses  cutting my clothes off straight down the center of my body and me telling them to stop because I had borrowed the outfit from my friend and she’d be mad. I remember everyone around me trying to make it seem like everything was okay while tears ran down their faces.

I was brought in for what would be an eleven hour surgery where rods and screws were attached to my spine. The doctors did what they could but when it was over had to tell me and my parents that I would never walk again.

It was surreal. All of it. It’s nothing you could ever imagine and I sincerely hope you never have to find out.

In the days following I was credited for my positive outlook and optimism but in reality, I just didn’t believe it was true. I was in denial. It couldn’t be. It just wasn’t possible. I was fifteen, things like that didn’t happen.  Obviously I would be back to normal in no time.  Live my life in a wheelchair? I would rather die.

Like one minute you’re on your way to dinner and the next you can’t move or feel anything below your waist. Just… what the fuck? It was all so crazy.

I don’t want to disregard the other seven girls in the car with me. I wasn’t the only one who was hurt - although my injury was by far the most serious. Some needed the jaws of life to get out of the car. Some went to the hospital by ambulance, some by helicopter. They were and are my friends and we each have scars to help us remember - be it inside or out.

There are parts of that night that are blurry or I have no recollection of.  I assume my brain blocked it out for a reason and I never cared to discover the missing pieces. I’m fine never knowing.

So yeah, that was a quick, fun recap of events. I’d love to lighten it up here but I’m not even sure how. I guess the silver lining is that It could have been worse. We all survived.

As they say: you never know how strong  you are until being strong is your only choice. Yes, it’s another annoying cliche but it’s true. Decades later I’m still here. I thought I would rather die but I was wrong. I chose to live and over time not only to live but embrace a life of love, meaning, and purpose.

Let me I’ll tie it all together here with one last fitting cliche: you are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become.

And bruh believe me,

if I can do it, so can you.