Liar, Liar

Back to relationships for a minute…

I saw a posting in one of my groups asking if it’s better when on a dating site to be up front about having a disability or to wait until you know the person a little better to disclose that information.

I think it’s important to address that here because dating sites are huge and disability or not, knowing how to better tackle them is super important. Obviously, I’m no expert on the exact science as I haven’t dated in this millennium but I can tell you as a self proclaimed know-it-all:

HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY

First of all, what kind of relationship are you building with someone if you’re not being honest from the get-go? Having a disability is kind of a big deal and the person on the receiving end of that information deserves to know up front. Should it be a deal breaker? In theory, no, but in reality, it’s not for everyone. AND THAT’S OKAY.

If you’re out there in the dating world and feel you have your own potential ‘deal breaker’ you should absolutely be up front about it. If you begin a relationship by hiding things, where is it you think that will lead? Would you appreciate someone doing the same to you? I’m guessing not.

The keys to sharing things about yourself that you fear others might not accept are kind of basic:

1. If they’re not willing to accept you for who you are - flaws and all - you deserve someone who will. It’s better to learn that day one than get in to something serious and then surprise them with a bombshell. That person may not give a shit about whatever it is and you will have lost sleep over nothing.

2. Let them know your ‘secret’ from the start and then let it go. If you don’t make your whole life about your disability (or whatever it is that holds you back) then neither will anyone else. If you view it as something as simple as an every day conversation about the weather, so will those around you for the most part.

When you dwell on your shortcomings and put the focus on those, that becomes who you are. There is no doubt - I am disabled. I use a wheelchair. There is no way to hide that - trust me I’ve tried to figure it out, but there is no way around it. It’s part of who I am but it is not WHO I am.

Just as you might be a widow, or have an incurable illness, or carry around some unbearable burden - but if you don’t make your whole life about that, it just becomes a part of you not who you actually are. Carrying that weight around, acknowledging it, and not making it a part of every conversation and situation you find yourself in, only make you a stronger person.

Of course some things are nobody’s business but in entering into a relationship with someone, those same things become important. They need to be aware of your situation in order to understand you to the best of their ability. If you’re not going to be open and honest, why bother? Just hit it and quit it if that’s how you’re playing the game.

It’s okay to be imperfect. It is not okay to lie about who you are - even if it’s by omission. If you can’t be yourself, you will never be happy anyway. Some people might be scared away, but someone might just learn to love you as you are - and what could be better than that?

(Photo of me casually sitting in a chair pretending I don’t need a wheelchair. Cool, right?) #secrets

#liar #dating #relationships #realshit #honesty #wheelchair #nowyouknow