Judgmental Bitch

Like a lot of people who regularly go to the gym, I’m sure I’ve worked into conversations and of course, these posts, that ya know, I work out.

Since gyms have been closed I have been exercising at home regularly and I have to say, it’s been pretty amazing.

One of my most favorite forms of exercise is dance. Let me just be clear, I use the term ‘dance’ loosely. I am a white girl from Long Island who learned most of my dance moves at Bat Mitzvahs during a time when the running man and the cabbage patch were considered ‘cool’. Add in the fact that I’m in a wheelchair and look and move in a very different way than your average girl and my dancing is, well, let’s just say, I still have a really good time.

What I’ve learned from working out in my own home is that I have a lot more fun when I can’t see myself. For the most part, I stopped worrying about what others thought of me a long time ago. I have taken Zumba classes weekly for the last couple of years at least and enjoyed myself very much. No one really pays any attention to me but I did spend a lot of time looking down to avoid seeing myself in the mirror lined walls.

See, in my head, I move like a graceful gazelle - or a middle aged woman fueled by vodka and nineties hip hop tunes. Either way, when I can’t see myself, I go by what I feel on the inside. On the inside, we are all the same. My inner bitch has killer moves.

My outer self though - that bitch is super judgmental of herself. My home gym is a make shift corner in my soap shop. I have no mirrors, no one watching, and I have a great fucking time. I get some serious cardio, even more than I ever did at the actual gym, because there is no holding back. There are no eyes on me - most importantly, my own.

What I’m trying to say here is something I’ve said many times before:

WE ARE OUR OWN WORST ENEMIES.

No one judges us as harshly as we judge ourselves. I have missed out on burning those extra calories because I was too busy worrying about my reflection in the mirror. Yeah, I was moving, but I was guarded.

We all have those fears. We all have something about ourselves that holds us back and I’m telling you; trust me: it’s all in your head.

So get out there and be YOU. Do what makes YOU feel good. Find what makes you happy and keep at it. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks - especially that voice in your head - that bitch is THE WORST 🙂