Check Yourself

I believe I’ve talked about this before but I’m sure it’s been a while so why not mention it again?

Just in case you haven’t been paying attention, I am a woman in a wheelchair. Many times this comes with some of the general public feeling like they must acknowledge that in some way. Sometimes it’s well meaning, sometimes it’s obnoxious, and sometimes it’s a back handed complement that I’m sure they don’t even realize they are making. One of my favorites is when they see me with my husband and tell him he’s a “saint’. Eye roll

I’m sorry but first of all, if anyone in this marriage is a saint it’s me because this fucking guy is high maintenance. JUST KIDDING. He is amazing and he is in fact a saint for many reasons but falling in love with me is not one of them. If anything he’s a saint for putting up with my mouth more than my disability.

Seriously though, is he an amazing human for seeing past my physical differences? Yes. Is he incredible for going above and beyond to make my life easier? Yes. Is he awesome for being unbothered with the added steps it takes sometimes to do things with me? Yes.

So yes, it takes a special person to handle a special person but calling him a ‘saint’ based on nothing but a look at us together is kind of fucked up. By doing so you’re assuming that I am ‘less than’. You’re presuming that he just does everything while I literally sit there looking fabulous.

Of course I understand the sentiment behind it. I get where they are coming from and I’m sure they mean well, but do you see how it sounds from my point of view? I am not less of a person I am just different than most. I assure you that I do whatever I can for him in return, as well as the others in my life. I do that because I know just how special they are for treating me as an equal.

I do what I can for others for many reasons. One of them is that I’m just a decent person. Another is that I enjoy my independence and doing whatever I'm capable of whenever I can for myself because I know there are things I DO need others to do for me. But that’s a big part of what relationships are about - be it romantic or platonic - being able to depend on each other.

The relationships in my life are equal ones. We do things for each other in our own ways. Sometimes we give and sometimes we take. Sometimes we’re the wounded and sometimes we are the healers. The roles we play are ever changing and no one is ever more or less than the other. So sometimes we’re the saint and sometimes we’re whatever the hell people assume I am in that analogy.

So to the people who don’t know me, please don’t act like my husband is a better person than I am because of what we look like. Although I can’t speak for everyone who’s been in my shoes, I’m pretty sure it’s shitty to presume based on nothing but appearance. He is absolutely a great person but so am I. It’s never a good idea to judge a book by it’s cover because you’ll never know what’s on the inside.